Nicole vs. Life
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
