you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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