my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize