I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
