the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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