my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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