I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
