i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
