a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
