If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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