Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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