Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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