As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
