So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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