12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize