I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
