evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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