her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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