so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
