Only a mothe r could love this liver
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
