I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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