I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
