You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
