life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
