tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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