The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
