Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
