no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
