p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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