um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
