my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
