in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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