ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
