your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
