I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Two words: nipple clamps
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