Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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