I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
