my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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