I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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