Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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