I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
