I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
