If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
