I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
