Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
