can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize