Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize