there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
