I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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