Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
