Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
high people should be assigned attendants
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
