Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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