After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
