You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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