Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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