do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
