so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
