What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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