I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
