Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
