please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
