Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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