i jhust puked up my retainher.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
