Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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