How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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