remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
