Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
