he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
