I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
