Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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