I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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