She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My penis needs a shock collar
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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