what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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