My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
