People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
